Flaky
We moved here six years ago. In the meantime we’ve been slowly but surely changing the inside.
At the same time though, we seem to have made some people (people!), which slows the process. A lot. I defy anyone to construct red pepper and pea smiley faces on individual ramekinned cottage pies whilst simultaneously stencilling one’s arkitrave. I do neither.
This was the wall surface in our living room until a few days ago (those of a nervous disposition look away now).
Yes, it’s woodchip. What??? Six YEARS without removing it? Yes. What would Naomi Cleaver say?
This is our current wall surface.
Sweet mother of all the monkeys.
Which is worse? It’s hard to say.
Now if I were a Toast lady I would be unfazed by manky old distemper, bits of clunch and mouldy plasterboard barely held together with horsehair and glue. I would don my floaty hand-blocked silk pyjama bottoms and hand-spun, hand-knitted, hand-embroidered cashmere socks and pose beautifully with a vintage kitchen utensil. I sometimes wish I were a Toast lady.
As it is I need mindless distraction, if only from the bits of woodchip and smallscale rubble in my hair.
I also need chocolate.
Thank goodness our thrifted settee (£35 from a Suffolk junk shop) is a small island of pretty amongst the dust.
Cushions by Toast, their Oxford edging unpicked and stuffed with bargain pillow stuffing, Auricula tapestry cushion by Ehrman and two years (!) of stitching by Granny P, little felted poppy cushion by Emily (slightly ‘crafted’ by MissP2’s fluff-loving phase), cheaty pinking shear bunting by me, when I was pregnant with MissP1 in 2005, strapping and painting by Mr P. I sit here and pretend I can’t hear bits of the wall fall off.
By the end of the week we’ll have new plaster, and I’ll have my hair back.
September 7th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Oh Emma! I’ve been laughing out loud and startling poor Mr Locket whilst reading this and the poor man was half asleep! I wish I were I Toast Lady too!
Lucy xxx
P.S. You do know that I’m going to keep thinking of this post and giggling to myself don’t you?!
September 8th, 2009 at 3:19 am
Oh, those facial expressions!!
I think your walls have a certain ancient Italian villa ambience such as one might in fact see in a Toast catalog…so go ahead and don the slinky silk jammie trousers and embrace your inner Toast-iness. Besides, the walls coordinate nicely with your house’s fab pink exterior…
P.S. I am smitten with your pinking-shear bunting!
September 8th, 2009 at 4:20 am
Hello lovely girl. It’s me.
Just read your blog and felt the need to put in a comment. Manky woodchip on the wall. Dirty. It actually makes me feel some longing for renovation. I feel that it will be on its way soon.
Hope you are doing well. It will be lovely to see you at Christmas. Looking forward to it.
Love you.
September 8th, 2009 at 5:51 am
It explains so much! I live in a place where the universes of Boden Mummy and Toast Lady collide. Life makes more sense once an explanation has been identified.
Hang in there, the end of the week is not too far away.
(You did mean THIS week, right?)
September 8th, 2009 at 6:47 am
Well, Mrs Pebble, you know full well that I AM Mrs Toast and Auntie Boden crosse together in some hideous genetic experiment and I am horrified, yes HORRIFIED that you’re going to plaster those walls. I mean really. *Everyone* knows that the way to do it is to have your children tear the paper artfully half off and then leave it for four years. Or at least, that’s what we’ve done in our bedroom. Oh dear.
I promise not to show you when you come one Thursday, but I will force you to eat cake!
September 8th, 2009 at 8:04 am
I shouldn’t really laugh should I but the image of you in floaty silk pyjama bottoms with cashmere socks making smilely vegetable faces and stencilling your arkitrave was too much! I think I prefer the current living room walls to the woodchip… but I’m sure you will be relieved when it has been plastered.
September 8th, 2009 at 8:30 am
As I sit here in my dressing gown (huge ancient white towelling thing, like a massive polar bear) and watch the huge spider cross the ceiling above my head, I too wish I was Toast lady.
September 8th, 2009 at 8:55 am
I am Stale Bread rather than Toast lady…………. :O) x
(Incidentally, your word verification thingie always throws up fascinating combinations).
September 8th, 2009 at 8:55 am
You live in a lovely ‘real’ house Emma
We’ve got one of those distrssed paper/plaster bits rooms - and after ten years I’m thinking about getting round to tarting it up into a lovely Nordic coastal dreamy lovely bathroom …
maybe … one day …
meanwhile I’ll pose in my floral jammies and wooly sweater and pretend to be a Toast-girlie as I tear a strip of 1980’s pseudo Laura Ashley paper off the wall
Celia
x
September 8th, 2009 at 10:21 am
six years isn’t long in the grand scheme of things….my husband says he needs five years “to think” about doing anything to the house !
September 8th, 2009 at 11:57 am
‘Oh’ I dream of being a ‘Toast Lady’ but my body wasn’t designed to waft around.
I completely know ‘that’ feeling of living with stuff no matter how long especially with children, but more with their grubby little paws and the uncanny ability they have to spill a drink all over a sofa from ten paces away!
Have a lovely day,
Nina x
September 8th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
I’m with you on this one! My ordeal of having nice “corners” and horrible big areas has been going on 7 years … but we are getting there … oh do tell me we ARE getting there? … the joys of buying an old place!
Love your picture of sweet little Ps
x
September 8th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
If I were a toast lady I would be unable to keep a straight face, wherever I was. Also I would be really hungry.
If you can’t see an abundance of bare wires, I think any home is a palace. Speaking from bitter experience.
September 8th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
It gets better - believe me!! You will also appreciate it all the more once it’s done. I lived with bare plaster in our bedroom….and m-i-l’s constant disapproval at my lack of a ‘woman’s sanctuary’…..for nearly 8 years!
You. Will. love. Love. Love. It……when it’s done
xxxx
September 8th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Great post and wonderfully descriptive writing! The outside of your house is looking good despite the wall problems inside it! x
September 8th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Such a great post Emma - your references to Toast lady made me laugh out loud!
I think your house looks wonderful from the outside and by the end of the week you will be plastered! If you know what I mean!! Love the settee - is it from anywhere I may know in Suffolk?
Jeanne x
September 8th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
it will soo worth all the hassle when its done - then you can float around like the Toast lady!
xx
September 8th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Oh I do love your posts. Your little pebbles are so sweet..never mind the clunch…
September 9th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Just a thimbleful….
I just know that your house is full of love, Emma, so don’t worry about the house. Far more important to produce little people and watch them blossom. I don’t know about Toast but I do I know what you mean about Boden -I am thinking of suggesting to them that they have a token ‘older woman’ (Me) in their catalogue!
September 9th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
It will be lovely when finished. I do like the Toast style too. Your sofa is fab, why don’t I find nice thrift things!?
September 9th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
Did Gina say you’d be better when you were plastered? Sounds good to me! Your little Miss P’s look gorgeous as ever. I hope Miss P 1 isn’t strangling Miss P2! Enjoy the chocolate!
Ooh! My word verification is Wishing unfold
September 11th, 2009 at 8:50 am
If your room doesn’t get plastered soon, you’ll feel a whole lot better if you do.. hehe.. I had woodchip in my house for a few years after moving in. It’s the devil’s wallcovering! xx
September 11th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
You’ll get there Emma, woodchip is easy to get rid of, my big sister used to spend hours picking at the bedroom wall when we were supposed to be asleep
However we have some VERY dodgy (whispering) artex on our ceiling, it is hideous and every morning when I wake up I think that has to go - urgh!!!
You have made two very beautiful daughters, by the way.
Twiggy x
September 11th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Your house is the spitting image of MissM’s dolls house. Quite adorable.
September 13th, 2009 at 9:54 am
Oh how I long to be a Toast Lady.. I thumb the brochure and lick the window of our nearest store regularly!! May I be so bold as to say.. that I like the mottled walls.. reminds me of my legs in the winter when I have sat too close to the fire..
Happy D.I.Y
Michele xx
September 14th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Toast makes me cross - it is so unreasonably unattainable!
September 14th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Look at those little girls! What have you subjected them to??? Hahaha! Hang in there — before you know it, you’ll be all done, it will look beautiful, and then you’ll decide you like something else!
September 14th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
What a lovely house you have, the exterior is so pretty. The inside will get finished given time. Clunch is new on me, thanks for the wiki reference. I’d rather have two little angels in the house, than perfect decor! x
September 20th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Such a beautiful home! I absolutely love your settee! How enchanting it is and I am sure your project will go beautifully. How exciting to take on such a nice project. Please do show more of it!
~Emily xx
October 7th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
just a beautiful house